Showing posts with label memories. Show all posts
Showing posts with label memories. Show all posts

Wednesday, October 03, 2007

First Rain of the Season

My state and rain. The two are synonymous. I was born and raised here so I love it, though I’m accused of having webbed feet.


But there’s nothing like the first rain of fall to remind me anew why I love the rain. It is so cleansing, so refreshing. The rain makes me think of how God cleanses us from our sins.

Rain here is like a woman’s moods. It’s unpredictable, except for the fact that it’s always there, when you expect it and when you don’t. Sometimes its just drizzles all day, others it comes in a steady downpour. But it always rains in here.

Our weather forecasters could have given up long ago. My great grandpa always laughed at them—rarely did they forecast correctly. The autumn forecast varies from “showers” to “light rain” to “scattered showers.”

But no matter its form, I love the rain—its soft patter is lullaby at night, a soothing background for study—and the staccato beat against a tin roof, or the familiar drip outside my window after the shower has passed, makes me thankful for the quiet after the storm.

I love to stand outside and feel the raindrops sprinkling my hair, moistening my sweater. And the smell after the first rain of the season—what a delightfully refreshing scent to a native of my state! The air is cleared but the musty smell of soaked leaves and grass remains.

Yes, the first rain of the season is here in all its gentle familiarity. So I’ll lay back and, as the old song says, “listen to the rhythm of the falling rain” while I thank God for my grand state and rain.

- September 30, 2002

Lanier's note--y'all please pray for rain for us here in the South! Our situation's starting to look a bit dire and I can hardly bear to look out of my drooping trees and dead flowers. Gretchen's words absolutely fill me with longing this dry October morning...

Wednesday, June 06, 2007

This side of the line

Uncle Bill must have every single book Louis L'amour ever wrote. He loves to tell me the plots of the latest cowboy book he's been reading. But usually cowboy books aren't the first thing I pick up when I want a relaxing bit of fiction. When Uncle Bill loaned Merritt the Fortunes of the Black Hills series by Stephen Bly, however, Merritt told me I had to read them, too. The first was a little slow at the start, but soon I was telling Merritt he better finish up the next book and mail it to me.

If you're looking for some good old-fashioned cowboy romance and clean humor, you'll find it in the Fortunes of the Black Hills. Stephen Bly's writing is simple and straightforward, combined with small-town stories and biblical truths (but no sermons). But you can't read just one. Look for all six at your local library, or find them at ChristianBook.com.
"It seems to me, there's a line, a barrier, between a person and the entire rest of the world. Everyone and everything is 'out there' and I'm 'over here.' Most of life is spent by me peeking out at the world and observing. Every once in a while I allow others to peer over the line at me. But you, it feels like you are over here with me and we are both peeking out together. I don't reckon that makes a lot of sense...but from the minute I met you, it was like you were on this side of the line."
-Frank to Essie in The Next Roundup by Stephen Bly

Friday, May 18, 2007

Long lives and happy marriages

My Great Great Aunt Ruth died on Good Friday. This July 4 would have been her 100th birthday. She almost made it to 100--she was sure planning on living that long. But she missed Uncle Charlie. And after being married over sixty years, who could blame her for finding the last seven years without him the longest in her long life?

I'm glad I got to see her again a year and a half ago. She and Uncle Charlie were the only great-great relatives I ever knew. And she may have been 98, but she could still play the piano better than most, and knew more songs by heart than anyone I know. You'd start to ask her if she could remember a certain tune...and she'd play "Try to Remember." Song after song, instantaneously, by heart. That was Aunt Ruth.

I'd forgotten about my last conversation with Aunt Ruth, until Natalie reminded me I'd written about it here on the blog (re-posted below). On our last visit to New Mexico, I'd told Aunt Ruth about Merritt, and shown her pictures. And she'd told me over and again about Uncle Charlie, and what a good husband he was.

I didn't get to visit her again the next year, because, like she (and I) had hoped, Merritt and I were married by that time. I'll have to leave it to my cousin Melissa to carry on Aunt Ruth's talent of making beautiful music. But someday, Lord willing, I'll tell my great-great grand nieces and nephews about my wonderful husband. And our family's tradition of long and happy marriages...
The last conversation from a visit with my 98-year-old Great Great Aunt Ruth on Saturday...

"Will you come again next year?" Aunt Ruth asked.
"Yes, I will, if I'm not married."
"Well," she smiled, "I hope you're married."
I giggled. "I hope so, too."
"How old are you again?" she asked.
"Twenty-two."
"That's a good age to be married," Aunt Ruth said with conviction.
"I'm glad you think so."
"Being married is the most wonderful thing, if you have a good man as I did.
"Well, I'm rather prejudiced, but I think I have the best man in the whole world."
"That's how it should be. That's what I thought of my husband."

I wish I could remember exactly how she worded those last few sentences... Uncle Charlie died six years ago, after he and Aunt Ruth had been married over 60 years. She kept saying how hard it was to live alone, that she wished they could have gone together. Yet as lonely as she is, all she talked about was what a good man Uncle Charlie was, and how they had such a good life together. She was full of fond reminisces and hearty praise for the man she still loves.

We heard the stories over and over. I s'pose that's how everyone else feels with all the stories I tell about my man. But I just had to laugh, because I'm sure when my great-great-grand-niece comes to visit me someday in a nursing home, all I'll talk about is that good-looking man in the picture frames all around me, and what a good man he was...

Tuesday, May 01, 2007

Misc. Meanderings on Photos

I have a love for capturing memories on film, and then chronicling those pictures in scrapbooks. And it is not just a mediocre liking—this is something I am passionate about. I’ve filled many albums with my pictures and memories, and have many more to go. Some find this hard to understand. So since I also love writing, I thought I’d try to express the reasons for this passion of mine in the written word.


Jim Elliot, martyr of the Christian faith, once said, “Live to the hilt every situation you believe to be the will of God.” I live life to the hilt. My Savior has given me joy—everlasting joy. My personality type is part Expressive (also known as Spirited or Sanguine)—the enjoying temperament. I enjoy life. And I love details—I just eat them up! Thus I want to remember every moment, every occasion in full-colored detail. Looking at the pictures, and reading the words I journal, I can relive the thoughts and feelings of the occasion. A moment in time—remembered in pictures…it may be a big day, or an ordinary activity, but reliving it is even better. The best part about life is reliving it through pictures.

When you enjoy every moment, and want to remember every detail, every expression, why would you not take many pictures each occasion, and decorate and journal them to your heart’s content? I never feel as if an event in my life is over until it is in my album. I can’t erase any of the memories from my minds RAM (Random Access Memory) until it is journaled in my albums for me to go back and recall at leisure.

I enjoy life. Every moment is worth capturing on film to remember. The good times—and the bad—captured on film, recorded in an album—these tell the story of a life—these tell the story of God’s love and care—these are memorial stones for my children, my children’s children, and their children. I won’t just have one memorial stone in my pile, but many, so each of my children can have some stones to show their children. God is good. Let’s remember it, in detail.


- Written November 6, 2001

Sunday, April 22, 2007

Dandelion Wishes

Simple joys, richly held. Moments drunk to their fullest. Life tastes good.

This weekend I am babysitting a missionary family's children so they can enjoy a much-deserved getaway. The two girls (8 and 6) and boy (2) are a joy; I do not know which of us wore the other out more. Our first project yesterday was decorating a stepping stone. This intriguing and not-very-intuitive craft involved mixing rock powder with water which hardened into concrete before we were ready. Hopefully the girls will not mind if their little tiles and marbles fall off. We had fun mixing it all up, dusting ourselves with the powder and exclaiming at the feeling of the thick pasty stuff turning rock-solid under our hands.

Before that was fully cleaned up (you know how it is) they were ready to help me make dinner. Once that was in the oven it seemed making chocolate chip cookies was the way to culminate the afternoon. We found (some) of the ingredients, the girls measured (some) sugar and flour into a bowl, their little brother kept asking to taste, and when we were half-way through the ingredients (serves me right for not being more organized in a strange kitchen) the realization struck: we do not have any chocolate chips.

No matter, my charges determined. Peanut butter cookies are just as good. Out came the jar, in went the spoon, and...there goes the mixture into giggling mouths instead of the bowl. I'm looking through a cookbook trying to figure out what changes to make when one is doing peanut butter instead of chocolate chip cookies. Unfortunately, they seem to call for half as much butter, less sugar, less flour...I was too busy to figure out why. Since the butter, sugar and flour were already in the bowl, it seemed guesswork would be best. The point was the fun anyway, not prize-winning cookies.

The end batter product did not look or taste like any peanut butter cookie dough I've ever made but...the girls were proud. The baked cookies had to be some of the ugliest I've ever had to claim as mine but...they taste good.

After dinner we went to the park to climb, run, roll the soccer ball to little brother, play in the sand and walk by the lake. On a whim I plucked a dandelion already gone to seed and showed it to my buddies. The little boy seemed entranced. Knowing he is great at imitating, I blew hard and then offered it to him. His little cheeks puffed out and his breath ruffled the gray fluff but none flew away. I blew again--he crowed in delight as seeds went soaring on the breeze. Time lost its hold. It was beautiful.

It took us a long time to get back across that meadow. My little man wanted to stop and pick every single dandelion and blow. So did his sisters. One called out, "I wish...I wish Natalie was my big sister!"

Though it can't be all the time, I am happy to play the role when I can. Is it even legal to have this much fun? And I guarantee you that I enjoy my volunteer "big sister" days far more than those I'm hired for. Anything one gets paid to do somehow becomes work. That must be why I enjoy writing only for non-profit ministries. Oops, I think I hear Jaden calling out. Best go make sure he's sleeping before I get some rest myself.

Tuesday, March 20, 2007

Caterer, Cook...and Mom!

I just finished serving a salad bar luncheon to a group of twelve ladies. I'm giving my feet a few moment's rest before I do the dishes, and prepare the ice cream sundaes. (We already had streusel coffee cake, bran muffins, cantaloupe, and grapes this morning.)

As I set out each of the thirteen different salad toppings in the matching blue plastic bowls at lunch, I thought about how much I enjoy cooking. It would be so fun to be a caterer! Maybe Merritt's sister and I should take up catering when we run out of things to do on the farm. The only problem is, people tell you what to cook. And they would get upset if it wasn't exactly right. But I like to be creative and my recipes never turn out the same twice. Catering would be too much stress. Hmmmm, better yet, "Front Porch Diner" would make the perfect companion to the antique store. I can see the furniture now. Just like my own little diner-style kitchen table, except maybe red instead of yellow. But Merritt might get tired of eating in the diner kitchen every evening. And we'd all get tired of having to be open all hours of the day. So much for my entrepreneurism.

And then it hit me, maybe I'll just be a mom!

I already have a customer who shows up for each meal without fail, eats it ravenously, asks for seconds, helps me with the dishes, and gives me a very generous "tip"! Sometimes he even calls ahead to ask for his favorite. What more could I ask for in my clientele?

And to think that someday, Lord willing, there will be more little faces that are like mirror images of his around the table. And after they grow up, move away, and have their own children, everyone will come back home again for the biggest dinner party ever! Just like the groups of more than twenty relatives and friends that gather at my grandparents' ranch in summer and winter. What could be more rewarding?

Yes, I think being a mom sounds better than just running a restaurant any day. We'll hold hands and thank the Lord before our meal. We'll sing together as we wash the dishes. And after we're all done, we'll cuddle up and read Peter Rabbit or Winnie the Pooh until little eyes get droopy. Then my favorite customer and I will share a dish of ice cream or a cup of tea together as we watch the sun go down.

It couldn't get any better than that...

written Saturday, April 22, 2006

Saturday, March 17, 2007

Oh, it is?

I did not remember it was St. Patrick's Day (or John Deere Day, as Gretchen calls it) until I arrived at my piano students' home and saw them decked out in green outfits with shamrock stickers. Oh yes...and I'm Irish too. How could I forget? We were even listening to Celtic worship music last night.


Gretchen has posted every year since the blog began, so I had to continue the tradition, even if I don't have much to say on the subject. :smile: You can read Gretchen's thoughts from 2004, 2005, and 2006.

Irish dancing might be the only subject related to this day that I can speak on with much confidence. I first learned Irish step dancing (the type in the photo above) seven years ago while dancing with a Folk Dance Troupe in Iowa. Ceili dancing is even more enjoyable, especially in a large group of experienced dancers. The more complicated the footwork, the better I liked it. Before the end of every dance I'd be gasping for breath but it was far too much fun to slow down or stop for even a minute.

So, whether you dance an Irish reel, wear green, or ignore the holiday altogether, live today with your sight on eternity. "In whatever you do..."

Monday, February 26, 2007

On the beauty of roses

December 2006: Wednesday afternoon a round glass vase holding peach and pink rosebuds appeared at my hotel. Mine are prettier than these, but alas I did not bring my camera. Per tradition I shall save the best blooms, dry them, and add them to the collection of bouquets I've received over the years.

February 2007: More roses--red this time--followed the ones I wrote about last year. Some from Valentine's Day hang drying; the pink tulips given to me earlier this month are starting to lose their blooms but I will care for the bulbs so that when spring comes I can plant them outside.

I think the first time I received roses from a young man other than a family member was the exquisite dozen long-stemmed red roses from a friend at Moody after I was in the hospital. My whole sister floor was jealous. Those proved better medicine than anything the doctors gave me! Valentine's Day brought another rose...my birthday another dozen...and so it goes.

I found several common meanings for the colors. Red stands of course for love, white for innocence and purity, yellow for joy and courage, pink and peach together stand for affection, admiration, and sympathy. Pink also stands for perfect happiness. I did not know that rosebuds stand for slightly different things. A red rosebud symbolizes purity and loveliness. A white rosebud represents girlhood. My other favorite flowers are daisies (innocence, loyal love, and purity), white lilies (virginity), and forget-me-nots (true love and memories).

But 'tis not the number nor the color which matter most to this maiden (though when a young man knows and uses the various colors of roses and their meanings it is extra special).

I think the reason can be summarized in one word: Beauty. Women delight in flowers primarily because of their intrinsic, objective beauty. Yes, they can provide some semi-practical uses but their primary delight is nothing more nor less than sheer beauty. Roses are a particular symbol of beauty which few can deny no matter where you live. True beauty is objective; it is not in the eye of the beholder but found in the object itself, whether it is recognized or not. A hierarchy of beauty exists and this also means that some types of beauty are more easily recognized while some require a trained eye or ear.

Symmetry of form and harmony are a part; simplicity is another. Can you explain why roses are beautiful? Does it matter if you cannot? Does that take any beauty away from the flower? Roses are beautiful--they simply are. The coarse or soft smoothness of the petals, the change from bud to bloom, the delicate scent...English words just do not do them justice. They are...beautiful.

So, what makes receiving roses, particularly from an admirer or lover especially wonderful? There are several aspects to this. First, while a man recognizes the beauty in a rose, normally he is not drawn to it in the same way a woman is. Men see the softness and delicacy of a rose and are reminded of a woman they love. A woman sees the same flower and enjoys it for itself. She wants to possess that same beauty. For a woman to be likened to a rose is a compliment--certainly this wouldn't hold true for a man.

Second, when a man gives a woman roses he is not only using his resources to show his love or affection or respect for her, he is doing so in a manner otherwise foreign to his nature. It is a true act of love which has no inherent pleasure for the man--save in seeing the woman's delight.

Third, when a man gives a woman roses he is communicating that she is worthy and beautiful. She is worthy of possessing beauty which mirrors her own--her loveliness is being acknowledged.

For me, the number, color, or method of delivery are not near as important as the fact that the man gave beauty to me. Whether a wildflower picked in a field or a bouquet delivered from a florist, the same message is communicated depending on the circumstances. God takes delight in beauty for its own sake. So should we. So the flowers will die (or be dried) within a few weeks. Their worth is no less. In fact, perhaps it is more.

Friday, February 23, 2007

Growing Up

"Briggs, what day is tomorrow?"

Big blue eyes stared up at me as the preschooler bounced up and down. "My birthday!" His squeal made the baby join in with shrieks until I had to cover my ears.

"That's right," I finally managed above the chorus. "And how old are you going to be?"

At this, Briggs paused. "Two."

His mother and I exchanged amused glances. "No, you two right now. How old are you going to be tomorrow?" Kristin prompted. "Are you going to be three?"

The vigorous head shake nearly knocked him off balance. "No! I not three! I two!"

"O…k…" I chuckled. "No, Briggs. You are going to be three. You are growing up."

Nothing would dissuade him. His voice escalating to a wail, he kept repeating, "I not three! I be two!"

"I understand completely," I sympathized, winking at Kristin. "I wouldn't want to turn three either. I'm sure being two is much nicer."

I cannot blame Briggs for not wanting to grow up. With every birthday another bead slides past on our personal abacus; the stakes increase, the responsibility grows, and our time on this earth diminishes. What reasoning person would desire that?

Once I turned 22 I knew I was an adult because I did not want to get any older. The childhood anticipation of more freedom and the teenage desire for maturity gave way to a contentment with the exact spot I was in--not denying what must come, like Briggs, but not rushing it along either.

Chris Rice sings a song which says "Teach us to count our days. Teach us to make the days count." Being two may be nicer than three; being twenty-two may be nicer than thirty but what is our measurement? What is our call no matter what our age?

Each day must count. Micah 6:8 tells us to "do justly, love mercy, and walk humbly with thy God." This is how our lives find purpose. This is how we can face tomorrow and next year without fear or protest. "I no three!" Perhaps not, but I am His. That is one reality I cannot deny.

Life Means So Much

Everyday is a journal page
Every man holds a quill and ink
And there’s plenty of room for writing in
All we do and believe and think
So will you compose a curse
Or will today bring the blessings
Fill the page with rhyming verse
Or some random sketchings

Teach us to count the days Teach us to make the days count Lead us in better ways Somehow our souls forgot Life means so much

Everyday is a bank account
And time is our currency
So no one’s rich, nobody’s poor
We get twenty-four hours each
So how are you gonna spend
Will you invest or squander
Try to get ahead
Or help someone who’s under

Has anybody lived who knew the value of a life?
And don’t you think giving his own
Would prove the worth of yours and mine?

Copyright 2000 Clumsy Fly Music (ASCAP)

- August 2006

Saturday, January 27, 2007

Scrapbooking Memories

This weekend is my mom’s Creative Memories scrapbooking retreat. It’s the first time in ten years that I haven’t been there. (Picture at right: Mom and me in 2000.)


I can see them all clearly, in my mind’s eye. Twenty or thirty ladies, pictures and colored paper and photo album pages spread on every bit of table space, in that retreat center cozily nestled high in the mountains, surrounded by fir trees. Aunt Marcy and Aunt Terri are there, along with my cousins Abbie and LeAnn, and my little sister Jessica. Tracie’s in the corner, making everyone lattes or mochas. Mom is trying to work on her pictures, while helping everyone else at the same time. Kathy and Dawn are another mother-daughter pair. A couple years we even had three generations, but I’m not sure if Georgia and her daughters are there this year. Of course, any man walking onto the premises late at night might wonder if more talking or scrapbooking happens there. But we’d reassure him that both are important, and both happen.


That first year, there were such wind storms that the power went out, and we scrapbooked by candlelight. Many Januarys we sat and watched the snow fall down outside, as we scrapbooked cozily inside (like the picture at left from 2001). And every year, I was showing off pictures of this handsome guy I knew…


Soon, memories of Merritt began to be associated with every retreat. Right before the retreat in 2001, I wrote my Mom a letter saying, “I’m in love. I’ve found the man I want to marry.” On January 22, 2004, right before Mom and I left for the retreat, Merritt finally told me the words I’d been longing to hear: “I do love you, very much.” I spent more of that weekend writing in my journal than I did scrapbooking! The next year found Merritt and me praying hard about him talking to my dad about a courtship. Once again, my prayer journals show a lot of journaling from the weekend of the retreat. And a month later, on February 23, 2005, Daddy said yes!


Last year was the first year my little sister Jessica joined us at the retreat (see picture), which was fitting as I knew it would probably be my last year. Merritt and I knew we wanted to get married soon, and were asking God to lead the way. I got our courtship album all caught up…hoping against hope that the next pictures of Merritt and I that I put in albums would show a diamond ring on my finger.


February 14, 2006, we were engaged. And I have yet to put those pictures in a photo album! But I’ve set up a card table in our living room, and hope to find time in these winter months for my own little scrapbooking retreat—with my husband nearby to cheer me on.


Yes, I miss all the dear ladies I know are at Mom's retreat this year. But I wouldn't have traded this cozy weekend enoying the sunshine and snow...and cleaning out the greenhouse, putting away our Christmas decorations, and celebrating our eight-month anniversary with my husband. Maybe when I’m an old married lady and have a half-dozen children I need a break from, I’ll go join them at a scrapbooking retreat once again. But I’d make sure Merritt came up on Saturday to enjoy a famous Cascade Cinnamon Roll…just so I could steal a kiss or two from the man whose pictures I will always love to scrapbook…

Friday, September 15, 2006

Papa's Barn

Stepping lightly over the hot wire fence alongside my cousin Melissa, I recall the day not so long ago when I could duck under the wire more easily. And as I step into the mucky barnyard, dodging more than just mud puddles, I begin a journey back in time. First I stop to gaze at the barn in front of me. The rooster weathervane stands atop the tin roof with its red head outlined against the blue sky, while the siding below is lightened to a tan by the sun. The metal gates enclosing the front of the barn were once bright yellow, but through the years the paint has faded and chipped away. I slip the rusting chain out of the catch and place my hand on the cool metal bars, swinging the gate open just wide enough to slide past it. As the drawn-out screech of the gate’s closing hinges echoes throughout the Brink Ranch, I step into the past.

It was a crisp but foggy morning in the late 1980’s. A casual observer along the road might have seen a six-foot tall man walking toward the barn, in green coveralls and a brown hat that advertised Ivomec. Four children traipsed along behind him. The oldest was Robert, a grown-up boy of seven, attired in faded blue jeans, a red sweatshirt, and the ever-present dirty baseball cap. William, four years younger, in a dark blue coat that added to his waddle, looked up to his older cousin as the essence of manhood. Five-year-old Gretchen hopped along in pink rubber boots right behind her brother. Bringing up the rear was a quiet four-year-old, Melissa Ann, with a long dark braid reaching halfway down the back of her purple coat.

The thin gray-haired man opened the barn gate, as the children ran past him to scramble up the neatly stacked bales. Robert reached down the post to flip a switch, and the barn was illuminated in a soft glow coming from light bulbs hanging high above the rafters.

Breathing hard as they ran up and down the hay bales, the children were enveloped in the familiar scent of cow pies, made sweet with the mixture of straw and alfalfa. Though never sold in stores, it is a pleasant perfume to many a man, including the tall rancher who now was ascending the steps of tightly bound hay bales behind the younger generation. Armed with wire-cutters, he was ready to feed the three dozen hungry Herefords who were loudly mooing their impatience in the feed bunks below.

Clip, clip. The fragrant alfalfa split into many flakes as he pulled up the baling wire and expertly bent it into a bundle that he stuck in his back pocket with the clippers. The boys were standing ready—Robert grabbed a flake and carried it to the edge of the haystack, dropping dried clover-like leaves as he went. He looked down at the feed bunks where steaming noses and drooling mouths were sticking through the green metal slats, and shouted, “Here you go, cows!” while the heifers below vied for the first bite.

In the middle of the barn could be seen a pair of once-pink boots, now covered in manure and straw particles, where Gretchen was lying on her back staring up at the rafters. Heedless of the straw now entwined in her long red braids, she breathed deeply to absorb the aroma, then sneezed at the dust. Each summer during hay time the bales were stacked to the rafters, but now the supply was depleted. A flicker who made his nest in the barn every year fluttered near the roof. As Gretchen lay gazing upwards, she began to count the mud dauber nests on the walls but ran out of fingers.

A meek “moo” from the other side of the barn reminded the girls of the big plastic bottles that had warmed their hands on the trip down the driveway. Two twin calves awaited them—each from separate mommies that had chosen to care for just one calf. Melissa didn’t mind, though. She loved the twice-daily ritual of feeding them. The little calves eagerly stuck their noses through the green bars of the Powder River gate, sucking vigorously on the bottles. It was all the girls could do to hold on, while the warm milky saliva dripped off the nipples onto their fingers.

Meanwhile, Robert and William followed the older man inside the barn as he expertly forked the alfalfa and hay throughout the feed bunks. This man they called “Papa” was not just a rancher, but also a veterinarian. Papa the rancher could pick up hay bales with ease. Papa the vet was concerned when a pregnant heifer or a young calf didn’t show up at meal times. And Papa the Christian showed his grandchildren how to work hard and do right as he went about his daily chores, imparting values that would influence the cousins the rest of their lives.

Melissa’s call awoke me from my reverie. I meandered down the hay bales that somehow looked smaller now. “Remember when we were little, Mel, how much fun we had coming down with Papa every morning to feed?”

Of course she remembered. Her life had been shaped in Papa’s barn even more than mine. We cousins will always share special memories of our time at Papa’s barn.

College Writing I
September 26, 2002

Wednesday, July 26, 2006

So smells the memory...

Have you ever noticed how a smell can bring a memory back so distinctly? One time in our college writing class, our professor made us each close our eyes as he put something under our nose. We were then to write about the memory the scent provoked. Here were some of my smelly memories...

I’ve always loved the smell. Deep, rich, and aromatic, yet the flavor was so bitter!

One afternoon, huddled round a campfire, my friend handed me his cup. I eagerly warmed my hands on the plastic cup.

Then I decided to venture a sip. It actually wasn’t bad.

Returning to my side, my friend asked, “Is there any left?”

“A little,” I smiled.

As he went to refill the cup, I realized that somehow—whether it was the cold outdoors or something else—I’d come to like the brown liquid we call coffee.

Once I felt like I was getting a cold, so I decided to try chewing a few cloves of garlic for a quick cure. Daddy said it worked! I chomped down three, almost gagging as I swallowed. I could feel it all the way down—what a stomachache I had! And I still got a cold. So it was not worth it. However, I’ve always loved the flavor of garlic and continue to use it abundantly in my cooking.

The distinct aroma of liquid smoke is much different than what you smell around a campfire. It brings back memories of making meatballs with my brother, and the cold gooey feel of the raw hamburger and oatmeal as we squished it into balls. It was a long, messy process, but when we ate the meatballs drenched in sauce strong with the flavor of liquid smoke, our time was worth it.

I have a special rule about using vanilla, especially in cookies: always use more than the recipe says, and never measure.

My friend Marlys and I share this conviction, so we love baking together, and always make sure the other has used plenty of vanilla.

Standing by their counter, the Kitchen Aid mixer full of cookie dough fixings, I tip the bottle of dark liquid over the bowl. “Put in lots,” Marlys commands.

“Don’t worry!” I give her a knowing look. The vanilla is what makes our cookies so good. And it’s a valuable secret to know, ‘cause they say the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach!

When I was little, I never liked coffee or tea, but I wanted something warm to drink on the cool days like everyone else. So I would fill a mug with apple juice, then sprinkle mounds of cinnamon on top, attempting unsuccessfully to stir it in. I microwaved it on high for a minute and a half, then enjoyed the delectable drink—better than any tea!—of lumpy cinnamon in apple juice.

October 7, 2002

Tuesday, July 18, 2006

Israel's conflicts escalate

Though on the other side of the globe, we will not ignore. We will not turn our backs. Christians in Gaza face the grim reality of war. Read at the VOM blog here.

I read the news these days and just want to cry. In Jerusalem, you can feel the tension in the air. You could even back in March--and back then none of us had any idea what was coming. Israel declaring war on Lebanon? Nazareth and Capernaum have both been hit by katyushas. Residents of the coastal plain from Tel Aviv up to Haifa have been told that they need to stay close to buildings and be prepared to take shelter immediately upon hearing a 60-second warning by air raid siren.

When I was there, it seemed one of the most peaceful spots on earth (aside from the old land mines barricaded by barbed wire...and the tanks...and the soldiers with rifles). But....how I love that land. The land blessed with the coming of the Prince of Peace...the land where more battles and wars have been fought than any other place on earth--in all of history.

Related information at Fox News here.

Pray for the peace of Jerusalem (Psalm 122).

Thursday, June 29, 2006

June Brides

Ten years ago last night I was dancing by torchlight at my best friend's wedding. A slender crescent moon, 'like to a silver bow, new-bent in heaven' smiled down on our festivities, and in the center of our merry circle was my beloved friend, the bride, the queen of the party. I remember how she swept up the skirts of her lovely silk gown and danced on the lawn with the rest of us, her face resplendent with joy in the light of the flickering torches. I remember the happiness in all of our hearts that rose like a sweet incense of praise to God. And I recall with a sentimental little inward smile how I cried my heart out when it was all done. For weeks people could hardly mention it to me without risk of my spilling over again. It was that beautiful.

Two years and three-hundred and sixty-four days later it was my turn. So with my dear anniversary on Tuesday and then the reminiscing over Rachel's today, you'll forgive me if I seem rather preoccupied with weddings...

Oh, they say when you marry in June,
You're a bride all your life.
And the bridegroom who marries in June
Gets a sweetheart for a wife.
Winter weddings can be gay,
Like a Christmas holiday,
But the June bride hears a song
Of a spring that lasts all summer long.
By the light of the silvery moon
Hone you ride, side by side,
With the echo of Mendelssohn's tune
In yor hearts as you ride
Oh they say when you marry in June
You will always be a bride...

from Seven Brides for Seven Brothers
lyrics by Johnny Mercer

I'm working on my response to the recent queries embodied in Jessica's very honest questions. But, in the meantime, I thought I'd share a couple of articles I'd written a while back. Many of you may have already perused my love story, but it will serve as the groundwork for anything more I have to say on the matter. And, just for fun, here's the tale of my little sister's wedding, which was as different from mine as the day is long!

My father officiated at Rachel's wedding, and when I told him tonight how long it had been he was dumbfounded. "Well," he said slowly, "you can tell her that we're celebrating with her, but that we refuse to acknowledge that it's been ten years." Oh, how quickly these days and months and years of our lives fleet! Any chance I get, I exhort the single girls I know with the very words Rachel entreated me with when she returned from her honeymoon: eyes full of joy, her face shining with a light I'd never seen there before, she clasped my hands and said, "Lanier, drink every last drop of your maidenhood." Don't waste it, or wish it away, or settle just to be done with it. Don't count its trials as a curse, or treat its relative freedoms too lightly. Above all, cultivate your relationship with Christ--'attend to Him without distraction'--for it will not only be your stay in waiting days but your husband's crown 'when the desire comes'.

I promise you, you'll blink and it will be ten years from now.

- by Lanier

Sunday, May 07, 2006

Passages...

A couple weeks ago my roommate in whose wedding I stood last summer gave birth to her firstborn daughter, Chavelah Brooke.

Yesterday one of "my girls" graduated from high school. (that's us in the picture...congrats Amy!) Hard to believe I've already been out of college a year. We had a night out together last week and Amy marveled that I'm, as she said, "so much older" when we get along so well. As it should be.

In a few weeks my best friend will wed her man and begin life as a farmer's wife.

Passages. Life never stays the same for long...what are we doing with the time that we have?

Sunday, April 23, 2006

Thankful Tears...

I don't know how many people stopped me in the church hallway today to ask, "Are you excited?" "How many days?" "How are the wedding plans coming?"

I answered with an excited smile, "Yes, I'm very excited! Just 4 weeks, 6 days! And everything is going along so well."

It must been Wilma, our prayer warrior confined to a chair with four wheels, who struck the nerve. "You're going to be a farmer's wife, right? I was just telling someone the other day how you and I are good friends, and how you were getting married and moving away. You'll have to write me once in a while. We'll miss you."

I'll miss them, too.

I've grown up with these people. I was born on Thursday the 22nd, and on Sunday the 25th, Daddy and Mommy carried me to church, where I was welcomed with a pink rose, pink balloons, and a pink bulletin insert announcing my arrival. Many of the faces that crowded around me in pictures that day are no longer here. They've gone on home to glory. But many are left, with a few more smile lines in their faces, and lots of stories to tell about when they used to babysit my daddy.

As we sang those good old hymns in church today, I looked at the dear ones around me, and their faces blurred through my tears.

Marge, Oleta, and Bea were missing from their pews. Each has lost her husband since the first of the year. Each was one of the sweet little old men I loved so much. And I know it might not be long before their dear wives join them on the other side of the Jordan. It seems like it's almost been a race lately, to see who can make it to Heaven first. And I know when I come back to visit, there will be more empty spots on the pews.

I've grown up going to my mom's parents, visiting the same church my mom was saved in. The same dear people who watched her grow up, watched me grow up from visit to visit. Some of them are even making the long drive just to come to my wedding.

Now, it will be me coming back to my church, just like Mom has always gone back to hers. It's sad to think of leaving, and my heart breaks at the thought of the faces who won't be there to greet me when I return. But I look forward to someday, Lord willing, introducing my children to the people who knew me at their age, if they haven't gone on to Glory yet.

I'll take them up close to Marge, so she can see their little faces, even though she's legally blind. I'll tell my children how she talked about her husband Ed with such love. How he would carefully hold her arm and guide her through church each Sunday, and how often I would look over during the sermon to see them holding hands.

I'll introduce them to Bea, who shared 62 years of marriage with her husband Everett. I'll tell them how I learned at his funeral that he and Bea read the Bible together every morning. That image has never left me.

I'll point out Oleta, who was married at 14, and had 64 years of marriage with Jake, the love of her life. I'll tell my wide-eyed 14-year-old daughter that Jake and Oleta's 65th wedding anniversary would have been just five days after her daddy and I got married. But Jake went home to Heaven the month before.

Then my children will understand where I learned about love. How I saw commitment lived out in the lives of my family and my church family. Then they will know why their mommy still talks about the little old men from her church, and their wives who loved them so much.

The tears I cried today were not sad tears. I couldn't be happier or more excited about marrying the man I love, and starting our own home. I look forward to finding our own little church for our children to grow up in. I'm praying it's filled with little old people who will stop them, take their hand, and tell them, like Earl tells me so often, that marriage takes commitment. But I look forward to taking them back to the little church I grew up in. And letting them learn the heritage their mommy grew up with.

For not only do I have a family who loves and follows the Lord, godly grandparents, Christian aunts and uncles--but I have an extended family in my church family. Along with my relatives, my church family taught me the importance of love, commitment, forgiveness, and that good old time religion. And for that blessed heritage of our little Baptist church I cried many thankful tears today...
Related posts:
Dating the Church?
Going Home

Thursday, April 13, 2006

Of Lords and Ladies and...wisdom teeth

Natalie's having her wisdom teeth out this morning. Let's pray that she retains enough wisdom to continue sharing with us here on the blog...and that she recovers quickly!

While going through old writings the other day, I discovered a copy of another get well letter I'd sent, when my soon-to-be sister-in-law, Marlys, was to have her wisdom teeth out. It was in the midst of the election year, though that might be hard to decipher because of the style of the letter.

Merritt's friends once dubbed my brother Duke William, hence Merritt became Sir Merritt, his sister Duchess Marlys, and I remain, yours truly, Lady Gretchen...who likes to write a bit more unique letters once upon a while... One of which I thought it
might be fun to share with you, for a change in pace...

Let me now take you to my arbor wherein this missive was composed...

Sunday the thirty-first of October, year of our Lord 2004
My dear Duchess,

Greetings from my humble abode. We have the alligators out in the moat around the castle this evening, since it is the eve upon which so much evil is done. I am thankful for a cozy castle and the protective service of the loyal lad Caleb.

Before I get too far on this parchment I must convey my wishes that you are speeding towards recovery after that ghastly procedure. I can sympathize only too well. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

It seems our conversation of yesterday was cut short before we had covered half of the pertinent topics. For instance, I meant to inquire how your beautiful long locks are doing under the new methodology? I suppose the princes and courtiers have been coming from the surrounding kingdoms to admire your beauty. It reassures me greatly to know that you are under the protection of Lord Vaun, and his trusted knight, Sir Merritt. Otherwise I should be much afraid of your remaining long with us, with renowned beauty such as yours.

It is that time again when the noblemen, as well as the ignoble, are seeking to renew the offices they hold in this land. My pretty young sister, the Princess Elisabeth, is fascinated with the free election system which this land employs. Her heart is much concerned that every citizen of every kingdom will cast their vote. I plan to take her to the marketplace on the morrow and allow her, as I would not usually permit, to speak to strangers and inquire whether they have done their duty to this land. I am a little concerned that we would not meet with any resistance from the dirty peasants. My young friend Jonathan, of the T------- family, encountered much persecution for a simple banner displaying his loyalties. His carriage was covered late one night with banners of the most ignoble and dishonest person daring to place his name on a ballot. While I am not known as timid or shy, such an occurrence does make me slightly afeared less we encounter such resistance ourselves. But you shall be sleeping peacefully due to those distasteful powders and gasses, instead of waiting in distress with the rest of the kingdom. We shall pray you awake to hear only the best and most victorious of news.

And now I must be about my duties here in the court. There are so many little tasks which I must see to. But my first priority was to send a message to you wishing you the speed of a hundred fine horses in your convalescence. Your sweet person shall be much in my thoughts and prayers in the coming days. Please do write me at your earliest convenience so that I may know how you have fared. I shall be residing for nearly a fortnight with my dear friend Lady Natalie. If you wish to correspond with me, your good brother may tell you the names of the messengers that attend to her castle.

Please give my kindest regards to all in your midst. Those of my court send their greetings as well. May God bless and keep you until we meet again.

Your humble servant,
Lady Gretchen

Monday, March 20, 2006

I miss my farmer

I just glanced out the window to see a boy I once knew driving past on an old tractor.

Was it just in my mind's eye, or was he really wearing a grey hooded sweatshirt just like my farmer's Carharrt one? Did I see that same contented little boy look of a man driving a tractor on a cool clear morning?

My farmer is much better looking than the guy on the tractor that just drove past, but everything else was so like him it was hard to breathe for a moment.

I miss my farmer.

And I can't wait until I can look out my window (that will have sunflower curtains hanging above it) and see my farmer driving up.

You know what I'll do then?

I'll leave the food to burn or boil over. I'll race out, stand on my tiptoes, and greet him with a kiss before he even gets the tractor turned off.

And maybe, if I'm lucky, I'll get to sit on his lap awhile and we can watch the sun set from the seat of his tractor.

written January 2006

Saturday, March 18, 2006

Golden Days

I’ve just had one of the goldenest of golden days with my best girl friend.

She’s here from Australia, whence she wandered when she married her true love almost ten years ago. Every time I go up to her former home—almost an hour outside of the city and set on a hill commanding views of rolling pasture land and neighboring farms—I feel the years slipping away. I remember the endless walks we’ve taken through scenery as lovely as an English countryside. The lively conversations in the wee small hours of the morning, our Bibles spread open on our laps and the music of a whippoorwill outside the open window. Lazy afternoons on the porch swing and picnic lunches and midnight snacks.

On her last visit we had tea on the front porch overlooking the old memory-haunted valley where we’d spent so many happy afternoons as girls. We laughed at the time that had passed, and pretended like it was ten years ago and that we still had all of our dreams and visions before us.

“Only our skirts were longer then,” I smiled, glancing down at our almost identical, chic knee-length numbers.

“And there weren’t all these lovely children!” she declared, snuggling her little girl who had sidled up with her own tiny tea cup. We both laughed at the parade of small boys who just then marched onto the porch with muddy boots and stick swords.

“What children?” I cried. “Why, these are all just little fairies!”

But this week we went for one last ramble through the valley in its springtime glory. Sadly—tragically—development is lurking beyond its pastoral charms and its days are numbered. As we tramped down the drive there was a great mingling of joy and sorrow in my heart. I thought, unavoidably, of the coming destruction, and my imaginative mind made all manner of parallels to the eroding values of this modern day—what Sir John Betjeman so tellingly calls the ‘age without a soul’.

However, the joy of this beautiful friendship and all it represented, the life God had blessed us with and the dreams He had fulfilled in all the years since we’d been there together swelled within me as a wordless song of praise. My spirit kept whispering thanks to Him for His great beauty and goodness. My happiness was beyond expression and my dear friend knew it.

We slipped through the gate and ambled down a light-filled pasture, our feet crunching on the tussocks of grass, our every sense awake to the fleeting gifts of loveliness that dear realm had to offer.

“The last time I walked here I was in a medieval gown with roses in my hair!” I laughed. Visions of knights and ladies danced before me, imaginary feats of derring-do, cows that became henchmen of an evil prince and an old vine slung between two trees that was a swing for the fairies.

I wore jeans this time, and my hair was in braids. In place of the faithful old Sheltie, ‘Bear’ a new companion fittingly named ‘Merrie’ frisked about in the grass just ahead of us. And two little boys pranced along beside, their eager commentary supplanting the giddy chatter of days gone by. So we went, past a pond holding a cup of sky, through a patch of wood, down, down to the valley itself, all green and gorgeous, with a little river cut through its heart, red-banked and overhung with budding trees.

The boys scampered down the path and I watched them with delight. A five year-old, slim and spry, with a darling mop of hair and the eyes of a poet; a three and-a-half year-old, adorably pudgy and utterly devoted to his big brother, trotting along behind pumping his fat little arms. Like Christopher Robin and Pooh Bear. Like the children my friend had envisioned so long ago.

We settled ourselves on a soft bit of grass in the sunshine and watched them play on the sandy bank. Murmuring softly over our cherished memories—in between removing little socks and shoes and forming the clumps of clay we were presented with into cubes and spheres—we honored the past. Our past, beautiful, maidenly, and sweet. And, in our hearts, we honored our wonderful Lord who is ‘righteous in all His ways and loving toward all He has made’.

Ten years ago this very spring we were light-hearted girls, gathering dreams for the future with as little care as we picked posies of violets on the wooded hill beyond the valley. I remember it yet—what we ate on our picnic, what we talked about. How I confided to her my dream of a ‘bit of earth’ and a man who loved the land. How her eyes grew soft over the plans for her coming wedding. How we both sighed over the romance of her unfolding love story and the devotion of her Australian sheep rancher.

It amazes me now to see how we’ve both grown since then, and how quickly ten years can fly. What figurative valleys God has led us through, and what sunshine His presence has been! What lessons we’ve learned and what loving cautions we’d give our younger selves if we could. We’re older now, and hopefully wiser, but deep inside we’re still those same girls. Idealistic enough to really believe that God is good; hopelessly in love with our husbands—who were but dreams back then; in awe of the Lover of our souls. And with a world of beautiful hopes for the future stored up between us.

Those friends whom thou hast, and their affection tried, grapple to thy soul with bands of iron. Shakespeare

- by Lanier

Tuesday, March 14, 2006

Words and Paper

If one measure's one's accomplishments by the amount you have thrown away, I got a fair amount done today. However, I could hardly get through one box of paper in two hours, while a few weeks ago my cousin and I packed more than a dozen boxes in a matter of hours. The sorting process is by far the longest part of the packing process.

If one measure's one's life by paper, I have probably lived several lifetimes in my twenty-two years' worth of paper accumulation. Some, like the Jr. High Sunday School notes, I can toss. Others, like the half-finished poems and un-sent letters, I can't bear to part with.

It seems that a writer's life is lived through paper, measured by words. On that paper, we have a tangible representation of the thoughts we thought, the life we lived. How strange it is, then, to go back and read what one wrote in years past. If one would write, one should learn to be careful what one puts down on paper. Some things, I wouldn't want my grandchildren reading, even after I'm gone!

But then there are the pieces of paper that make me laugh. The letter I wrote to myself setting forth all the reasons I shouldn't fall in love with Merritt (such as, "he communicates so well you'll never be able to complain about your husband," etc.), the 10-page emails Natalie and I exchanged (no wonder we know each other so well), and the paper on which I had listed names for 13 future children (I would name them alphabetically, of course! Abigail Beth, Caleb Daniel, etc. all the way to Yvette Zoe, for one must finish the alphabet!).

Maybe the reason it takes so long for me to sort paper is that I must read every sheet before I decide what to do with it. (Thankfully, one can judge a book by its cover enough not to read it before one packs it!) Much went in the garbage. Some went in a bag to give Natalie when she comes for my wedding (the bag grows by the week--she better bring an extra suitcase). And those silly love poems and all the un-sent letters go in an envelope to give Merritt someday, so he can laugh at the girl who has always been so crazy about him.

Yes, words are for remembering, pens are for deciding what to remember, and paper is for remembering again. That's why I'm glad Merritt and I have written letters all these years, so we'll never forget the hard times God brought us through, so we always remember the love we shared...

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