Contentment

I have to confess, I didn't like being a child. It was boring and there were so many important things I needed to do in life that I couldn't do until I reached an older age...

I have to confess that I hated being engaged, why did it take sooo long to get married to the man of my dreams? There were so many important things I needed to do in life with him...

I have to confess that I haven't cared for Michael being in school, while all my friends own their own homes and have full income coming in, I've felt left behind. Why can't I be normal. I can't do all these "important" things I need to do in life until I have a house...

As I have pondered contentment over the last couple days, I've realized that I am terrible at it. I have failed royally nearly every day of my life. I've always wanted to push on to something better and rarely stopped to enjoy the moments that slip by. This, as in today, what I am doing right now is what I was created to do. Simply to live for the glory of Christ and to find joy in it. I have had the option every day of my life to find contentment in Christ. To enjoy what he has called me to do, and do it well.

I hope that you can take to heart what I have just shared, because it comes from mine. Thankfully, I probably have quite a few years left to practice this starting today.

The Bible reminds us, "Now godliness with contentment is great gain." So we can know that it is not merely the godliness, nor the contentment but both, together! Let us have great gain in our lives, not disregarding the doing part or the peace in God's sovereignty and care.

- by Stephanie Garvey

Content but not Complete - Part Four

Contentment While Single

Yes, it is possible! Not easy, but possible. Of course, the biggest reason we singles struggle with contentment is the same reason everyone does: it’s our sin nature. We all want things we don’t have. This is apparently true for married people, too! Everyone has the ability, through Christ’s strength, to be content (Philippians 4:11: “. . . for I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content.”). It does seem especially hard to be content while waiting for marriage, however.

I think one problem is that we fail to understand the difference between contentment and completeness. In some senses, we will never be complete until we reach Heaven. But we singles have a special kind of “incompleteness” because half of us – our spouse – is missing. And when we fail to recognize that and separate the two ideas, we get frustrated because contentment seems to elude us. We still feel that something is missing. My personal analogy for this idea is a man who is blind. This man, through God’s grace, can be content, and can learn to live without sight. Other senses can compensate to a great extent – yet none of us would try to tell him that he is physically complete. It’s obvious that he is missing something he should have!

Singleness is a similar form of incompleteness. We were created to complement each other, and to become one flesh (Matt.19:4-6). If it is God’s will for us to remain single, He will give us the grace to live with that “incompleteness,” but we shouldn’t pretend it isn’t there. I believe that a single person is complete spiritually. It is not necessary for us to be married in order to be saved, sanctified, or blessed by God. But in some way – perhaps emotionally? I don’t know – we are incomplete until marriage. It seems to me that God’s original plan, now spoiled by sin, was for every man and woman to have a mate.

It’s okay to want what you were meant to have, but we must also live joyfully and contentedly in the present reality. This contentment while still reaching for something better is one of the paradoxes of the Christian life that is hard to grasp. But it is vital for us to learn to be content while waiting in order to live the way God has called us to. As Jim Elliot wrote to his future bride, “Let not our longing slay the appetite of our living” (Passion and Purity, pg. 160).

Praying Boldly

So how do we get from singleness to marriage? The number one answer is, “Pray for a husband!” I’ve been convicted over the past year that I don’t pray boldly enough. The tenor of my prayers is usually, “Help me to be content, to wait patiently, and to trust You. I accept Your will even if it means a life of singleness.” Sound like a good prayer? My real request is missing! I’m not asking for a husband. Philippians 4:6 says “. . . in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God.”

And Matthew 7:7-11 is even more specific: “Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you: For every one that asketh receiveth; and he that seeketh findeth; and to him that knocketh it shall be opened. Or what man is there of you, whom if his son ask bread, will he give him a stone? Or if he ask a fish, will he give him a serpent? If ye then, being evil, know how to give good gifts unto your children, how much more shall your Father which is in heaven give good things to them that ask him?”

God wants to hear our heart’s desires. We have to say “Thy will be done,” but don’t stop there! Pray boldly and with faith, believing that He is abundantly able to bring you a mate. The request for a husband is a godly one. Don’t be ashamed to pray specifically!

Finally, My Sisters. . .

. . . Be of good courage. It’s all too easy to become cynical about marriage as time continues to pass with no changes in our single state. But despising marriage or exalting singleness beyond its place is not the answer. Instead, let’s strive for contentment now, with hope for the future. Singleness can be a means by which we are drawn into increasing fellowship with our Lord as we learn to take up our cross daily and follow Him.

I hope this series of articles has been encouraging to you. It may have opened up some new ways of thinking about marriage in general, or you may have disagreed with things I have said. I don’t claim to have all the answers, or even most of them! My goal is just to encourage you, and I’d be happy to have you contact me if you have questions or comments. If there is a lot of interest, I may follow up with more articles. May God bless you as you continue to serve Him in marriage or singleness!

- by Jeannie Castleberry

Content but not Complete - Part Three

The Gift of Singleness

If I had a dollar for every time I’ve heard or read that singleness is a gift and a blessing, I’d be able to buy all the books on my wish list – and believe me, it’s long! It seems like it’s usually married people who speak of the gift of singleness. [Note: I am not referring to the calling to remain single, but the gift of the single season.] When I was in my early teens, it was easy to think of singleness as a special season to be welcomed and enjoyed. Ten-plus years later, it doesn’t seem so special. I’m getting quite tired of it, in fact. Is singleness really a gift?

The answer is both yes and no. We’ll do “yes” first. Singleness is a gift in the sense that every circumstance in our lives is a gift. It’s a means by which our infinitely wise and loving Father reveals His care for us. To our human eyes, some gifts appear better than others – being supplied with a new car might look more like a gift than totaling your only vehicle – but we know from Scripture that “. . . all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose” (Romans 8:28). Unwanted singleness is indeed a gift, and if it has lost its shine over the years, we can still be grateful for it as a “gift of suffering” that helps sanctify us.

But in some ways, singleness is not a gift – at least not one that we want to keep indefinitely. For most of us, it’s a temporary time of preparation for our destiny, marriage. Historically, singleness has not been viewed as desirable – rather, it was seen as a stage of life that should not be unduly prolonged. Boundless writers Danielle Crittenden and Debbie Maken have both written excellent articles on this subject, and I highly recommend reading them. The gift of singleness is a little like the gift of a toothache – something given to us by God for a time to refine us, but not something to hold forever.

Yearning For Marriage

Before I go any further, let’s balance the equation. Is it possible to long for marriage too much? Absolutely! A healthy desire for marriage is good, but if our desires start turning into rejection of God’s current plans for our lives, it can become idolatry.

Keep in mind 2 Corinthians 10:5: “Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ.” We can’t put anything, including our God-given desires, ahead of obedience to God’s immediate will for us. We need to cultivate a healthy view of marriage, neither rejecting it in bitterness or elevating it to the point of idolatry. The little book Believing God for His Best by Bill Thrasher does a great job of promoting such an attitude.

...to be continued

- by Jeannie Castleberry

Content but not Complete - Part Two

Created For Marriage

Why do we have the desire to be married? The answer goes back to the very beginning, to Genesis 2:18-24:

And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him. And out of the ground the LORD God formed every beast of the field, and every fowl of the air; and brought them unto Adam to see what he would call them: and whatsoever Adam called every living creature, that was the name thereof. And Adam gave names to all cattle, and to the fowl of the air, and to every beast of the field; but for Adam there was not found an help meet for him. And the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam, and he slept: and he took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh instead thereof; And the rib, which the LORD God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man. And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man. Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.

The reason God gives for creating woman in the first place is to be a helper for man. We are the completer of the man – his “other half.” That’s so much more than a cute phrase! It really gets to the root of why we want to be married. We want to be joined to our other half! It’s not okay to desire marriage. It’s more than okay – it’s good and right and pleasing to God. He is glorified when His creatures fill the places for which He created them. When you long for marriage, part of that desire is the longing to fill your appointed place in the universe. Rejoice that you have that desire!

Jesus Or A Husband?

Have you ever heard or read something along these lines? “You need to just take all the love that you would give a husband and transfer it to Jesus. He is the only one worthy of your love anyway, and He can fulfill all your longings. If you love Him, you don’t even need a husband.”

This kind of thinking is misleading. Yes, Jesus is to have our hearts. Loving Him is the most important thing in our lives! But He’s not your boyfriend or husband. God has chosen to give us several different kinds of love. Our love for God is not the same kind of love that we would give a husband. When God looked on all His creation in the garden of Eden, He said, “It is not good that the man should be alone” (Gen.2:18). Remember that Adam had perfect fellowship with God at this point – there had been no sin. He could communicate with God more fully and completely than any of us have been able to since! And yet God said he was alone. God created mankind with the need for other humans – and more specifically, with a need for a spouse. He didn’t say, “The man is alone so I will bring him another man to be his friend.” It pleased Him to create a woman, and to institute marriage right from the beginning! So to say that we can just love Jesus is obviously missing part of what God intended. Loving Jesus is different than loving a husband.

Substituting Jesus for a “significant other” is not the answer. If we could see Him in all His kingly glory, the idea would be unthinkable.

And I saw heaven opened, and behold a white horse; and he that sat upon him was called Faithful and True, and in righteousness he doth judge and make war. His eyes were as a flame of fire, and on his head were many crowns; and he had a name written, that no man knew, but he himself. And he was clothed with a vesture dipped in blood: and his name is called The Word of God. And the armies which were in heaven followed him upon white horses, clothed in fine linen, white and clean. And out of his mouth goeth a sharp sword, that with it he should smite the nations: and he shall rule them with a rod of iron: and he treadeth the winepress of the fierceness and wrath of Almighty God. And he hath on his vesture and on his thigh a name written, KING OF KINGS, AND LORD OF LORDS (Revelation 19:11-16).

Your boyfriend? I don’t think so.

...to be continued

- by Jeannie Castleberry

Content but not Complete - Part One

As one of the few remaining “single and unattached” writers on this site, I’d like to ask some of you (especially those in a similar state) a question: How do you feel about singleness? More importantly, how do you feel about marriage? If you are getting a little older, you may also be getting a little discouraged. Perhaps you’ve experienced a broken dream or relationship. Probably many of your friends are married and having children. We single girls can get caught in the middle. On one hand, we have the intense (and growing!) desire to get married and have children ourselves, but nothing is happening. On the other hand, we’re constantly told to relinquish those desires and embrace the gift of singleness. We try so hard to let go, to turn away from our deep desires, and yet they remain. We think, “Surely there are other aspects to life” – but marriage remains our focal point and the setting of our most intense struggles.

What is wrong? Why the endless struggle? I believe part of the problem stems from our attitude about marriage. Although nearly all of us long for a husband, few of us dare to admit how much. Within our Christian-homeschooling-courtship subculture, honestly expressing the depth of that desire has become somewhat taboo. Instead, singleness has been elevated and marriage regulated to dreams of “someday,” even for those of us in our mid to late twenties. And we single girls have done our part, insisting that we’re capable of being perfectly content and fulfilled right where we are (this may be in part a defense mechanism). “If God wants me to stay here in Dad’s home, and serve my family for the rest of my life, that’s fine with me!” we say glibly – then wonder why that wedding invitation gave us such a pang.

I’d like to offer an alternative to the way we’ve been looking at the whole issue of marriage and singleness, at least from a single’s perspective. Let me say right up front that this radical idea did not originate with me. I’ve run across bits and pieces of it in many diverse places, woven like threads of light through books and articles. What I hope to do in this series of articles is to pull those threads together into a banner of hope for all my struggling single sisters.

Called To Be Single

I’ve heard many girls say, “Well, maybe I’m just called to be single.” When no boyfriend is appearing on the scene (especially once you pass the early twenties), it’s tempting to say that! I’ll admit I’ve said it more than a few times myself. But I think we need to examine that phrase a little more closely – after all, “called” is a word with a lot of meaning to a Christian.

So what do we mean by “called to be single”? When you say that lightly to a girlfriend, are you saying the following? “I believe God has a special calling on my life. I am prepared to live a life of celibacy, never experiencing the emotional and physical intimacy of marriage, never having children, and serving God in an unusual way.” As Boundless writer Alex Chediak has pointed out, that kind of calling is fairly rare. God does not call many of His children to that kind of service. If that is your calling, He will give you assurance of that and the grace you need to fulfill it. But for the vast majority of us, that’s simply not what He’s asking for. Often when He doesn’t move as fast as we think He should, we don’t have the patience for Him to guide us to His will. Instead, we throw up our hands and say, “Fine! I guess I’ll just be single!” – perhaps in doing so, turning aside (even temporarily) from the pursuit of our true calling.

But I’m not married today. So today I am called to be single. Today my responsibility is to glorify God through my willing acceptance of my singleness. We need to learn to embrace the temporary as temporary, neither fretting at our current state nor stubbornly deciding it will never change. Because it probably will change, putting us in the place God designed for women from our creation – by a man’s side.

...to be continued

- by Jeannie Castleberry

True Love - Part Two: When Happily Ever After Doesn't Happen

Elizabeth's courtship and marriage have been a beautiful example to me of true, godly love far different than the media or even the formulaic "courtship story." Her unswerving trust in the Lord is rare and challenges me when I grow weary.

One goal of this series is to scratch the veneer off those rose-colored glasses. Romance is wonderful. Being head over heels in love is amazing (I speak from personal experience). But...those things are the after-effects of a lifestyle committed to True Love as God defines it. - Natalie

I am a Romantic at heart. Whenever I read a good love story or courtship account, I add “and they lived happily ever after” to the end, even if it is not written in so many words. I often look back on my own life, forgetting all the troubles and deep heartaches, remembering only the golden days and laughter. I see through rose-tented glasses, and in many ways that is good… to dwell on the hard things in life brings a heaviness of spirit hard to shake. Believe me, I know: my life in many ways has not been easy. Dwelling on the good was one way I learned to cope…

I thank the Lord a thousand times over for the blessings He has brought into my life these past few months. In some ways it seems the end of my story is “and they lived happily ever after” for I truly am deeply happy in my new life and marriage. But on the other hand, I know my story has hardly even begun: many roads lie ahead that I have yet to travel. And certainly, even, these past eight months have not been all roses: illness, miscarriage, long, cold winter in an unknown land. God has been more than faithful through it all.

It is so easy to think that once we get married, everything will be good. Hardships will grow easier, life will be rosy most of the time. That “happily ever after” will begin the day we say, “I do”. But what if something happens, and happily ever after isn’t there like we thought it would be?

In my church back home, I knew a beautiful and godly young woman not much older than me. She had married the son of one of our pillar families: someone everyone admired and looked up to. They seemed so happy, and she was such a godly example of womanhood to us all. And then one day, when their first little son was still very young, he just left… left his family, his church, his wife. We all prayed fervently and hoped for restoration, she more than any of us… and for several years she waited. We all shook our heads and wondered how this could happen, happen to her of all people. Even in the backs of minds that should have known better, we somehow fell prey to the belief that “happily ever after” should have been her reward. Did God not see her faithfulness?

Let me say this now, once, very clearly: "Happily ever after" is not a reward for godliness. Marriage is not a reward for a life lived in obedience. Just because you do everything the “right” way, and wait patiently for God’s timing, for God’s direction, for God’s mate, does not guarantee that the path before you will be smooth.

Trials await every child of God: if you are not experiencing them now, you will. Godly families lose jobs, lose health, lose children, lose husbands and wives every day. We know this, but we like to forget. We don’t ever like to think that we could be the next Job whom God allows bad things to happen to. We wince, because these are such gloomy thoughts: but James says “Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials…” Why? Because the testing of our faith produces something of far greater worth than a life lived happily ever after: perfection in the truest sense of the word. A life hidden in Christ and sanctified for His glory. A life He is able to use.

Is our longing for a happy ending necessarily a bad thing? No, I think this is a holy longing, as we wait for heaven and our true happily ever after in eternity. But it can cause us to loose our focus, cause us to forget what is really important: living life to the fullest now, not someday. Do not pine for what others have been given, for with their blessings will come trials designed for them and their sanctification. Embrace life, the good and the bad, and you might just find that your happily ever after has already begun...

- by Elizabeth Jackson

The Grass is Always Greener

You have probably heard the saying that “life’s not a bed of roses.” When circumstances go awry, disillusioned people are hard put to find the good in life. Even when things run smoothly, there’s always a pessimist about who will find a little squeak in the wheels to fuss over. It’s the perversity of our fallen nature–we are seldom content. I’m sure you have heard someone complain about soaring temperatures in the heat of summer, only to gripe about the cold when winter comes.

I have long maintained that, despite the saying, life is like a bed of roses. Perhaps most people only think of sweet blossoms when they think of roses. I know, however–from personal experience–that roses have thorns, too! The wild roses that bloom along our roads in June are my very favorite flowers. Many’s the time I have pulled the pickup over for a few minutes to gather a fragrant armful before continuing home. In the course of the picking, my fingers usually end up full of thorns. But they are worth the trouble. My pricked fingers are quickly dismissed when I bury my nose in my bouquet. And so does life contain both the bitter and the sweet.

When you look at your life, do you see the roses, or do you only see the thorns? Are you enjoying the blessings in each day, and thanking God for them, or do they go unnoticed because you are thinking only of what tomorrow may bring? True, some of us are more optimistic by nature than others, but contentment is a virtue that we each must cultivate, regardless of personality.

Life is good, these days. I have the best husband in the world, the two sweetest boys in the world, prairie flowers, a cow to milk, horses to ride, fresh cool mornings, sunset gold on the hills, little showers and rainbows, a fire in the stove, a song to sing, a piano to play, and over and above and through and in all the sure knowledge that God is guiding and keeping and protecting us. He most certainly “giveth us richly all things to enjoy...” (I Tim. 6:17)

Yet how often do I forget all this and get caught up in what is not. How many times, in those days when I was single, did I thank God for the opportunity to be fully focused on pleasing Him? Not many, I’m afraid. Instead, my thoughts tended to be turning ever Ben-ward, wondering how that “unofficial” courtship of ours would ever end, longing for a chance to be together, wishing he’d write me, daydreaming of “happily ever after.” After our marriage, when suddenly my assignment changed, and I now had to focus on pleasing my husband, I looked back on that season with a new appreciation for how good it had been.

Few things steal my joy faster than being over-focused on something I hope will happen “someday.” I miss out on present happiness when I get depressed in a season of waiting for blessings yet to come. As a new bride, I assumed that motherhood would follow on the heels of marriage. Wrong. One month passed, then another, and another, and another... “Why, Lord?” I wondered. I longed for a baby, for the chance to give my husband a child. Every month hope would rise; every month hope was disappointed, and I would crash into the abyss of sadness–again.

The baby came, at last, and then I wished for time alone with my husband! Do you see what happened? I had a good thing, and I missed my chance to savor it to the fullest. And then the opportunity was forever past. When I look back on our “honeymoon” year, the first thing I remember is being depressed over not having a baby. I should have been focused on delighting in my new role as wife to the man I loved, and keeper of the home of my dreams. I should have been thanking God for granting me the desires of my heart, and quietly trusting that He would give us a child in His time. I should have been content...

No matter how good life is, I can miss the roses for the thorns if I am discontent. Like the dog carrying his bone across the creek, I drop the treasures of today when I snatch at the mirage of “tomorrow,” and they are forever gone. Like a cow reaching through the barb-wire fence to munch on ditch grass, I overlook the goodness right in front of my nose.

Few things I have seen bespeak contentment and quiet trust to me like the sight of a herd of cattle grazing peacefully in a pasture. They take no thought for the morrow. They do not fret over yesterday’s mishaps. They harbor no worries. They simply take what is given them by the Creator’s hand. And perhaps, in the acceptance of the gift lies the gratitude for it.

How about you? What season of life are you supposed to be enjoying right now? What good thing has your Saviour set before you? Are you single, at home with your family? Treasure the time you have to build relationships with your siblings, and set them a good example to follow. Are you courting? Savor every minute of it–you will not pass this way again. Do you have young children? Delight in your role as their mother; pour out your life gladly for their nurture. Wherever you find yourself,“be content with such things as ye have...” (Heb. 13:5)

When life seems all thorns, just keep looking; you’re sure to find a bud sooner or later. Every day, remember that you are the most blessed woman alive, and wholeheartedly thank the Giver of such goodness as our God has bestowed upon you. The grass is always greener when we look at life through grateful eyes.

- by Mrs. Ruth Weichmann

A nugget from Elisabeth Elliot

God's gifts are richly varied. How insufferably dull it would be if they were not! He equipped each of us accordingly, and woe to us if we spend our time fruitlessly wishing we were eyes when we were made hands.

The Liberty of Obedience, p. 68

If the whole body were an eye, where would the sense of hearing be? If the whole body were an ear, where would the sense of smell be? But in fact God has arranged the parts of the body, every one of them, just as he wanted them to be. - 1 Cor. 12:17-18

Contentment and Progress

If there is one thing that I am afraid of in life, one thing that I loathe the very idea of, it is becoming stagnant.

At all times in my life I would like to be able to say that I am content, but not satisfied. (Philippians 4:11-13) There is a difference. As Christians, we will never be fully satisfied until we reach Heaven where we will no longer ‘see through a glass darkly’. We are on a journey, and to move on towards the destination is to be unsatisfied with one’s current position. “Farther up and further in,” is the call that so strongly tugs at a pilgrim’s heart.

A famous runner, Steve Prefontaine, said this: “To give anything less than your best is to sacrifice the gift.” While this quote carries much wisdom in and of itself, I submit to you that it is more than that. To give anything less than your best is to sacrifice the gift that God has given you. What we have is not our own, anything we possess is on loan; we are stewards of the King! It is a weighty responsibility, and not one to be taken lightly.

In anticipation of reading it soon, I was recently looking through John Piper’s Don’t Waste Your Life and was struck by an anecdote he gave in chapter one. He tells of a small plaque that hung over the kitchen sink in his parents’ home as he was growing up, and that now hangs in his own house by his front door so that he can see it each time he leaves his home. It is a simple plaque whose few short lines speak volumes:

Only one life
‘Twill soon be past;
Only what’s done
for Christ will last.

In John Piper’s own words, “The message was clear. You get one pass at life. That’s all. Only one. And the lasting measure of that life is Jesus Christ.”

And that is the heart of the issue – nothing else really matters. Grasp hold of that vision, and you will grow ever closer to Christ and into the person He created you to be.

Every day is a journal page
Every man holds a quill and ink
And there's plenty of room for writing in
All we do is believe and think
So will you compose a curse
Or will today bring the blessing
Fill the page with rhyming verse
Or some random sketching

Teach us to count the days
Teach us to make the days count
Lead us in better ways
That somehow our souls forgot
Life means so much…

Every day is a gift you've been given
Make the most of the time every minute you're living…
-Chris Rice "Life Means So Much"

Don't settle for good enough. There is more to this life than the status quo.

“But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, that the excellency of the power may be of God, and not of us.” -2 Corinthians 4:7

- by Kari Spohn

On a Pedastal

Gretchen's wedding story provoked an abundance of comments and messages for her, which I look forward to sending to the little pink house in Washington. I know she and Merritt will enjoy hearing from all of you.

One concern I held lately is that Gretchen and Merritt's marriage would be upheld on a pedastal and become an idol. This is not in any way because of anything they have done -- but in how I write and portray it to you girls and also in how you respond to what I share. Certainly, without question, an account of the wedding and pictures must be given. The wedding's beauty and simplicity can be enjoyed and bring God glory. But...(and I am saying this to the single girls mostly, as those who are married are not as likely to set another couple up too high as perfect) please be careful.

"I hope someday for a love story as perfect and pure as that of Gretchen and Merritt."

This was the theme of some letters and comments I've received that needed to be challenged. Perhaps the authors of said comments did not mean what they said literally. But what if they did? Gretchen and Merritt's story was not perfect. Not because they are not godly but because no one's story is perfect or pure or "perfectly pure" as another girl put it. Don't we know this? Surely we know this.

Please do not do Gretchen and Merritt a disservice and elevate them to a sacred plane of Perfect Love Stories. :-) They do not belong there. I never will either. No one does. And they don't want that. The focus of their ceremony was God's abundant, everlasting faithfulness. Let's make sure that any response to their story is glory to His name. Many of you have done just that. The other comments seemed consistent enough that I wanted to post a reminder, but if this does not apply to you, all the better.

Let's not hope for perfect. I guarantee you that you will be disappointed, disillusioned, and frustrated. You might even reject a gift from God. They rarely come packaged as we would expect or plan.

A thought: is the purpose of courtship and wedding and marriage to glorify God or to have a perfect, inspirational story for others to admire? Some might say that the latter leads to the former. 2 Corinthians 12:9 says that God's strength is perfected in our weakness. He gets the glory from our failings and mistakes as well as from our victories.

Just a reminder...my hope is that now we can move on to new things. :-)

When Someone Else Gets What We Want

For all of us, single or married, there is a great piece at GirlTalk on A Holy Longing. Here is an excerpt:

One sure indicator as to whether or not a good desire has morphed into an idol is how we respond when someone else gets the very thing that we want but don’t have. When a close friend—who was perfectly happy to be single—up and gets married, and we are, literally, left behind. Or when, as is the case for a friend of mine, we know five other girls who are pregnant and we are not.

And what about the woman who gets married younger than us, whose job is more glamorous than ours, whose house is bigger than ours, whose marriage is better than ours, whose life is easier than ours, whose children are more well-behaved than ours, whose popularity is brighter than ours, whose intelligence is greater than ours? Need I go on?

Read the rest here.

Engaged to be Engaged

"Merritt and Gretchen are engaged to be engaged," my little sister announced to the ladies around us at the scrapbooking retreat in January. "So, we won't really be surprised when they get engaged, but I'll probably still cry."

A few weeks later, flying from Natalie's house to Merritt's, I found the note Natalie had stuck in my backpack. "Thank you for showing me how to wait to be engaged."

I'm still not sure what I showed Natalie that visit. Though I may have met my future husband at 13, that has never meant I had it easy. In fact, I think the waiting is in many ways only harder when you have someone. But let me tell you, the wait is so worth it, to have his love! And yes, finally, his ring on my finger.

At the first of the year, we talked with my parents about getting married sooner rather than later. There was no question that we were meant for each other, it was just the timing. And a big factor in the timing was a place to live. Merritt spent January filling out applications and filing for permits. He updated me with the progress, and finally gave me the hint that he thought he could have a place built by June. If we got a permit for a drain field on his property. And that "if" had only been getting bigger since he began to test the soil last summer.

January 9th

Lord, please help me to keep a positive, joyful spirit. Help me to remember that Merritt, like Boaz, will not rest until he settles the matter. May I be able to lay aside my hopes until I am free to start planning.

January 11th

Please, Lord, let me see him for Valentine's Day. Please help us to be engaged and be able to tell the world soon.

January 13th

Lord, You know the date for our wedding. Please show it to us soon.

Meanwhile, I was planning a trip to Natalie's the first of February, and really wanted to see Merritt again on the way back. We wanted to spend Valentine's Day together.

Of course, I also thought Valentine's Day would be a great time to get engaged. But I refrained from mentioning that to Merritt. And kept telling Natalie all the reasons why it wouldn't happen, when she was so emphatically sure I would get engaged on February 14th.

January 24th
Your will, Lord, in Your time. That is what we want. Even if our dreams are all shattered in the process. But please, God, let us be married soon! How can I be so content and yet so anxiously pleading? You know, Lord. You do all things well.

January 30th
Lord Jesus, I want to be able to see Merritt. I'd love to spend Valentine's Day with him. But maybe it would be too hard because we wouldn't have any answers yet. Help me accept Your will, Lord. I need Your peace.

February 1st
Lord, let this be a month of gladness, rejoicing, love...and making plans! Please, Lord, bring us the fruition of our dreams. And please, give us a drainfield. Bless Merritt today. Give him a smile. I love You, Lord.

February 3rd
Lord, please guide about the plans for the drain field. Please make it go quickly. Please let us be engaged soon! Please Lord, can we get married soon? Please guide us.

I got a one-way ticket to Natalie's house, and Merritt said he'd keep in touch with my parents and (hopefully) get permission for me to come visit him. I didn't let myself get excited about going to see him, but I really hoped I would. Meanwhile, I bought so many books that I rather dreaded the thought of arriving at his house with a whole extra suitcase. But it would be worth getting teased about packing so much if I got to see him!

Finally, on Thursday afternoon, Merritt called to tell me that he'd talked to my dad, and he'd said yes...I could go visit Merritt the next Monday. Merritt said they talked for about 20 minutes, and he mentioned being excited to actually get an answer from my dad. Was it about more than just a plane ticket? I didn't dare ask.

Natalie was immediately convinced that a week hence I would have a ring on my finger. I reminded her that our ring shopping had consisted of Merritt dragging a very embarassed Gretchen over to the ring cases at Costco before Thanksgiving. I doubted there would be a ring. But I did hope he would pop the question.

February 9th

Father, thank You for Merritt. I don't deserve him. He is so good to me. Oh Lord, I don't know if we will be able to get engaged now or not, but Lord, You do. Oh but please, Lord, can I be engaged? Oh but that is so selfish. I have this man who loves me so. Forgive me Lord for wanting more than You give. Your will be done.

As the weekend drew near, Merritt sounded more and more discouraged every time I talkd to him. By Sunday afternoon, he sounded really depressed. I asked him what was wrong, and he said we'd talk about it when I came. I kept asking if he wanted to talk about it then, but he said no, it would wait. I dared a question about the drain field, but no, still no answer on that. And I knew he wouldn't ask me until he knew he could build on his place.

The rest of the day I alternated between worrying about him and trying to change my thinking in realization that the way Merritt sounded, there was no way I was going to be getting engaged in the next 48 hours. I couldn't sleep that night. And yes, I cried a few tears. I had really been hoping I could get engaged this Valentine's Day. But that didn't matter to me any more. I knew I would get to marry Merritt sometime. If this wasn't the right time to pop the question, I knew he'd figure out something even more romantic. I was just so worried for him, that I kept praying that God would encourage him.

Monday, February 13th found me landing in my beloved's arms (after many hours in the airport and a delayed flight). He had a card waiting for me, saying, "I can't wait for the day when I can bring you home with me for good." Reading his words, I knew it didn't matter if we got engaged the next day--I was Merritt's girl, and that was all that mattered.

I wore one of his favorite pink shirts for Valentine's Day. And Merritt planned to take me out to dinner in the evening. While he was out doing chores, I put his Valentine's present on his desk. A red picture frame with "I love you" written all over it, and a picture Natalie had taken of me the week before. It was the same thing as his Christmas gift, but somehow, picture frames with me in them are always a hit where my man is concerned! Then he gave me my Valentine's gift--a two-sided square red frame that had the word "Forever" on top, and of course, our picture on both sides.

I knew then for sure that the adorable frame--and not a ring--was my Valentine's gift. But I was focused on enjoying my first Valentine's Day with my Valentine. And not even the lack of a proposal was going to spoil my day!

I was delighted when he asked me on a walk before we went to dinner. He knows how I cherish our walks together. And I was anxious to see the spot he had staked out for our home--if we could put in a drain field there. It was a beautiful day for a walk. Merritt had been convinced the weather would turn beautiful as soon as I arrived, and it had.

I cherished those minutes walking in the sunshine, holding his hand. I knew we were just going on a walk, but I was loving every minute, for it was rare we actually found the time to enjoy a walk, just the two of us. I thought the view was perfect from my future kitchen window. And yes, I was sure I wanted him. I laughed as he kept asking me if I was really sure. Of course I was!

Pretty soon I began to think that we should head home and go to town. After all, we had some errands to do before our dinner date. But why would I complain, when I was enjoying such a picturesque view in the company of such a handsome man?

Then, I knew why he wasn't in a hurry to leave. He started digging in his pocket, and asked me again if I was really sure. When I said yes, he got down on one knee, and put the most beautiful ring on my finger.

I don't think we stopped smiling that day. I heard "the rest of the story", as Paul Harvey would say. I found out that Merritt had asked my dad that previous Wednesday if he could marry me. But Dad had said he would get back to him. And Merritt still hadn't heard back from Dad when I talked to him on Sunday afternoon. That was why he sounded like he did! Of course, right after he talked to me, he talked to my dad. And my daddy said yes! I also found out that Merritt had the ring since the first week of January (but that's an amazing story that will have to wait for another day).

How do you wait to be engaged? One day at a time. Cherish the moments you have together. Enjoy the little things. Remember that he loves you and is going to ask you as soon as he can--if he seems to be delaying, he has a good reason. Don't keep assuming it's going to happen. And don't second-guess his every move. (Until he starts digging in his pocket on a long romantic walk...)

Natalie summed it up thus:

My advice would be to focus on savoring each moment. It's only going to get more intense once you are engaged and just want the wedding to be here. But try, try, try to savor it--you'll never regret drinking every bit from every moment--but you will regret if all you can remember from right now is being impatient for him to pop the question.