I had a dream last night. Enough for me to wake up with an aching heart. It was so real.
I was back in China...*deep breath* We were working and I stumbled the wrong way and found myself in a horrible place...the room was full of dirty beds and cribs and every inch of space was taken. Little babies, newborns, some nearly a year old, stuffed three and four to a crib, neglected, ignored, filthy, hungry. It was horrific. Then someone grabbed me...I could not be there.
Then I was outside with a friend trying to reach a certain place in time...there were five babies left in a trash heap. I was crying...we picked one up and he was still alive...but the next did not move. Wake up.... Then we were trying to bring the abandoned ones home with us. They would not let us. I kept pleading...wanting to sign the paperwork... and I just cried. Why? Why would they let their own people die, starve, or rot in filthy institutions instead of let them be adopted by people who so desperately love them?
There was more...not sure at the legality of this part of my dream but somehow I was smuggling three babies back to America and made it. I remember very clearly holding one in my arms while Carson took another, and feeding them milk bit by bit. And then I woke up...exhautsed.
I never could have come up with that dream on my own. It was like a punch in the stomach. Yet parts of it are true. From a friend I know that conditions exist like that for the orphans across China. More than we could ever imagine. And we tried to visit an orphanage when we were there but high authorities would not let us. That was tough--and if I ever go back I am going to get to one if it is the last thing I do. :)
And China is one of the most difficult countries to adopt children from. I do not want to be cynical, but I am afraid I may not get my opportunity. The couple must be at least 30 years old, and that is 9 years from now. With the state of relations between China and America, especially with China and Russia being in alliance against us, it would not surprise me if China followed Russia in refusing to allow America to adopt anymore. Russia did this just a few months ago, and it created an uproar. Even the Russian people were furious, saying their children would die when loving families wanted to take them.
Perhaps God will yet answer that desire in my heart to have Chinese babies of my very own.
How could anyone not want a baby?