Building Blocks for Happy Moms, Happy Babies

I’m new at this amazing thing called motherhood. Every day I realize anew how much I have to learn. What I share here is not original with me. Neither is it everything you need to know to be a mom.

It is a summary of what I’ve learned from the other moms in my life. It is a compilation of the things my husband reminded me of when our newborn was crying and I was close to tears. It outlines a few of the things that we feel have helped make our baby the happy, content little girl everyone comments on. It’s just a few of the “building blocks” we’ve used in making our home a happy one. (And I hope you already know this, but nothing you read on the internet should replace your mother’s instinct or the advice of your doctor, pediatrician, or midwife.)

The First Weeks: Getting Milk, Gaining Weight, Getting Sleep
The top priorities for the first few weeks of your baby’s life all hinge one upon another: Mom getting her milk supply, Baby regaining its birth weight, and both of you getting some sleep. This is the time to drink lots and lots of water, feed your baby when he’s hungry, take hot showers and baths (especially before nursing), and sleep when your baby sleeps. If your baby wants to sleep much of the night and there is no medical concern about his nutrition, enjoy your rest. But be sure to wake your baby for meals at least every three hours during the day so he learns day from night.

The Clock on My Wall
It seems that no matter what time I eat breakfast, I only have to glance at the clock and see the hour hand approaching noon to think about eating again. Sometimes I eat lunch well before noon, if I’m really hungry or will be gone at lunchtime. Other days, I wait until well past noon for lunch because I ate breakfast at 10 o’clock and know I don’t need another meal already. The clock does not set my meal times, but it does help remind me whether or not I’m hungry yet.

I view the clock and my daughter’s mealtimes the same way. As a tired new mom, the clock was there to remind me that even though it felt like I’d just laid down for a nap, my daughter hadn’t eaten for 3 hours and I needed to feed her.

When my daughter and I were first getting the hang of nursing, it helped me to keep an eye on the clock to know how long she’d been eating. If she was crying after just two minutes, she probably had a burp, but she definitely wasn’t done. I thought she’d never learn to have a meal in less than an hour. But in just a few months, she was done eating in less than five minutes per side. And because I watched the clock, I learned her mealtime patterns, and could reassure myself that she’d gotten a full meal.

As a scatter-brained mom trying to get lots done while my daughter was playing, it really helped me to pay attention to what time she got up. It would seem only a few minutes since I left her with her toys when those tired cries would greet my ears. But a glance at the clock showed me sure enough, she’d been playing for an hour, and was definitely ready for a nap.

And when it came to naptime, the clock was an equally helpful tool. Based on what time it was and listening to how she cried I could tell if my little one was awakened by a burp or a noise, and needed more rest, or if she was wide awake and hungry. (The older she gets, the easier it is to tell—if she awakens crying, she usually needs more sleep, but when she wakes up happy and cooing, she’s well-rested and thinking about her next meal.)

Feeding a Hungry Baby
Every human being born on this earth is different from every other baby. Not every baby will conform to the same eating patterns. Smaller babies with smaller tummies will probably have to eat more often than bigger babies. Little ones who aren’t gaining enough weight may need to be reminded that they are hungry. Others who seem to want to nurse twenty-four hours a day may have to learn that mommy has other things to do (and mommy may learn the benefits of a pacifier, even when her child was “never” going to use one!).

Rule number one is to always feed a hungry baby. Suggestion number one is to help guide your baby’s hunger cycles so that you are feeding a hungry baby. It can be a challenge when your baby is still tiny, but if you can keep your baby awake enough at meal time so that they will get a good meal, they will go longer before they are hungry again. And when they are hungry again, they will be hungry enough for another good feeding. Constant nursing day and night will only wear mom out, reducing her milk supply. Both the baby and the milk quickly learn whether the rule of the day is continual snacking or a good meal every few hours.

As your baby grows, the times between meals can naturally be stretched longer. If you have to wake your baby up from every nap for a meal, it might be a sign that he can go longer between meals.

Our little girl ate every two and a half hours—from her first week of life, until she was over four months old. She started sleeping through the night at almost three months old, but she still ate every two and a half hours during the day. I could have set my clock by her hunger. Try as I might to stretch it to three, she wasn’t ready. Then, all of a sudden, she was hungry every three hours. And sometimes we stretch it to four.

You will learn your baby’s own unique needs. Just be sure that as you respond to their needs you’re also helping guide them towards a routine that is good for your baby, your health, and your family.

Eat, Play, Sleep, Eat, Play, Sleep
No matter how often you feed your baby, a little routine will go a long ways toward keeping mom and baby happy.

The traditional baby routine seems to have always been to nurse your baby to sleep. Then you tip-toe to the crib, lay them down, sneak out of the room, and hope they don’t wake up five minutes later with a burp.

Try rearranging the routine. When your baby wakes up from his nap, feed him. Then play with him for a while before he goes down for a nap. Naptime will help stretch the time until his next feeding. When he wakes up, he should be well-rested and ready to give his full attention to eating a good meal. After all those burps are taken care of, and the diaper’s changed, it’s playtime. When he’s little, Mommy might have to play with him to keep him awake until he gets adjusted to the order of the routine. As he gets older, he’ll have fun playing on his own for much of playtime—in fact, you’ll probably see that he wants and needs this “alone” play time away from mom and other siblings. (If he has trouble with spitting up, a partial reclining position in a swing or bouncy seat is a good way to start playtime.)

With all those wiggles and burps out, naptime will soon be drawing near. Your little one may fuss and rub his eyes to let you know he’s ready for a nap. Other days, he might be convinced he doesn’t need a nap. But Mommy knows that without a good nap now he will be fussy later. So Mommy makes sure he has a dry diaper, swaddles him up tight, and puts him down for a nap.

It’s a simple routine arrangement of which you’ll quickly see the benefits!

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P.S. Just a note from Natalie...at this point in time I do virtually all of the scheduling for publishing posts, moderating comments, reading and replying to emails, etc. Thus when anonymous commenters leave rude or derogatory remarks geared toward a post's author, they truly are wasting their time as no one but me will ever see them--and I am being completely honest when I say that virtually nothing ruffles my feathers. We at the YLCF look out for each other, including doing what we can to protect each other from things which are antagonistic to YLCF's vision and purpose.